8th May 2015

A rare and long awaited ‘Letter to David’ from the wonderful Katy Anchant. Enjoy

The Daily Cameron

Hello sweetums,

Congrats on the timely despatch of the pretenders to your throne, because let’s face it, you are a king amongst men. Gone is the Cleggbot, and that dreary Millipede. Tell me, will you have any problems transporting the original Clegg cadaver from your filing cabinet to a more convenient location? Will you be able to reuse the Cleggbot and change his programming a bit so that he can be a butler?

Anyway, your fabulous victory. I saw the TV footage of you getting out of the Jag at Buck house. It took me back to those old Colgate adverts, the sun shining off your perfect teeth. I would have been there in person, but I’ve been struggling to fight my way through the huge crowds of Eastern Europeans who have swamped my lovely, erstwhile quiet suburb. I can’t wait for your referendum on the whole EU thingy, to…

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